A Bit of Campy Humor

Pun absolutely intended. This Rapture FAQ, written by a professor for his students, has been floating through the intertubes, but I believe the original is here.

Q: With the rapture coming, should I bother working on my final paper?
A: Yes. The odds are you will not be judged worthy of ascent to heaven, in which case your grades will still be a basis of judgment for rewards in this earthly sphere.

Q: What if my instructor is raptured?
A: None of our instructors bear much chance of being judged worthy. However, on the off chance your instructor is chosen, an army of unemployed secular Marxists is waiting to take his/her place.

Q: If my mother/father/grandfather/grandmother/favorite aunt/etc. is chosen, will I be excused from the final so that I may mourn his/her loss?
A: No. They have not died, but been granted eternal life, thus this does not count as a case of a death in the family.

Q: If my instructor is not raptured, is he really fit to judge me?
A: Yes, seeing as you were not raptured, you are still subject to the earthly judgment of the unsaved. If/when you are redeemed, a change of grade form will be automatically processed by heavenly authorities if they decide your grade was unfairly given by one of the damned.

Q: If my computer crashes and my printer breaks and there is no email on account of the rapture, will I be able to get an extension on the paper?
A: Everyone in tech and IT departments is of Satan’s party, so the internet, your computer, and your printer should continue to work the way they always have: sporadically.

Q: How will the rapture affect your curving, particularly if raptured students are exempt from final tests/papers?
A: Final grades are not curved, but students who are taken up in the rapture will be given incompletes, just in case.

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This entry was posted in Christian Reformed Church, Culture, Eschatology, Family, Friday fun, Heaven, Humor, Links, Outhouse Quick Hits, Quotes, Some fun. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to A Bit of Campy Humor

  1. RubeRad says:

    Although I must say, my favorite false Christ is this guy. Apparently, Jesus is now quite IT Savvy. When the Bible says he is coming “on the clouds,” it means that Christ will speak to the world via the internet.

  2. Lilabell says:

    Hilarious…no, they didn’t die so it doesn’t count as a death in the family. Love it.

  3. RubeRad says:

    I liked that bit about Tech/IT being “of Satan’s party”, and the legions of unemployed Marxists ready to step into teaching positions.

  4. RubeRad says:

    Note also the touchpoint with 2K. A better way to state the 4th one might be

    Q. If my instructor is not Christian, is he fit to judge me?

    A. Yes.

  5. Rob H says:

    Okay, that guy must be some kind of joke. It’s insanely goofy. But just in case, I emailed his office with my contact information in case they could use an ex-witch with 2K issues.

  6. RubeRad says:

    That’s funny; I went to the “News” link and subscribed with a mailinator.com address, and then subscribed to the mailinator.com RSS feed, just to see what he might say. (That way I can just drop the RSS feed whenever I want to ignore him)

  7. RubeRad says:

    Where “judge” in this context obviously means “judge how well I have learned the material he has instructed, in the sphere of this classroom over which he has God-given authority.”

  8. jedpaschall says:

    You have got to love the fact that nearly all of his news clips on the Youtube video came from the always fair and balanced Fox News.

  9. todd says:

    Speaking of fundy humor – here’s an oldie but goodie:

    Hymn #365

    A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, ‘If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

    With even greater emphasis he said, ‘And if I had All the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

    And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, ‘And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

    Sermon complete, he sat down..

    The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,

    ‘For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’

  10. Zrim says:

    Well, all I know is that tomorrow night I plan on the man from Mars shooting me dead and eating my head. And then I’ll be in the man from Mars and go out at night eating cars. I’ll eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too, Mercuries and Subarus. And I won’t stop. I’ll. keep. on. eating. cars. Then, when there are no more cars I’ll eat up the bars where the people meet (at the river).

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